Shopping: The Hazards of Boredom

For all the guys who ever get dragged round the supermarket against their will and perhaps some of the girls, should try a few of these too - may liven things up. Proof of what can happen if a wife or girlfriend drags her husband or boyfriend along shopping.

This letter was recently sent by Head Office to a customer in Wigan: Dear Mrs. Cater, While we thank you for your valued custom and use of the our supermarket Loyalty Card, the Manager of our store in Wigan is considering banning you and your family from shopping with us, unless your husband stops his antics. Below is a list of offences over the past few months all verified by our surveillance cameras:
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's trolleys when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House Wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to feminine products aisle.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in House Wares..... and watched what happened.
5. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
6. September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and told shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring sausages and a Calor gas stove.
7. September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him, he began to cry and asked, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
8. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.
9. November 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the House Wares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the antidepressants were situated.
10. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the theme tune from 'Mission Impossible'
11. December 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practiced the 'Madonna look' using different size funnels.
12. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled 'PICK ME, PICK ME!' 13. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, assumed the fetal position and screamed 'NO! NO! It's those voices again.' And; last, but not least:
14. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while; then yelled, very loudly, 'There is no toilet paper in here.'